For the New Year

                At forty-one years of age, I carried the sum total of my life’s experiences.  I tried to forget the past, to forgive the pain.  I vainly attempted to learn from my tears, from my poor life decisions and from my negative reactions to stressful situations and people.   As the reader may have guessed, I did not succeed.  My pride, guilt and martyrdom were too heavy.  The excessive weight that I bore, much like Atlas of old, day and night without reprieve began to hurt me physically.  My inner turmoil began to manifest itself in physical maladies that were beginning to affect the quality of my life.  My dreams haunted me and a healing, peaceful sleep often eluded me. 

On a vacation in the warm Florida sunshine, I found myself swimming in a pool alone.  There were no laughing children splashing or playing “Marco Polo,” no smell of coconut tanning oil in the air or bathing beauties sunning, and no music blaring in the distance sharing the next site of Casey Key’s never- ending beach party.  The pool’s water serenely mirrored the cloudless turquoise sky above me so that there was a sense of the infinite with no beginning and no end; just me or perhaps the occasional bird flying overhead fishing for his next meal.   I was not a fisherman, only a solitary voyager enjoying my weightlessness in the soothing water. The “soulful” quiet allowed me to think and feel without environmental static or interruption, a rare occurrence in my hectic existence and tired mind.   It was on that day that I prayed an honest and earnest prayer for guidance and direction.  I admitted that I needed help and that I could not do it on my own.  The response I was given was remarkably swift and direct.  I did not have to wait for a mystical sign for a third party to interpret.   I did not have to roam the desert of my own existence for forty more years. The unknown word that God gave me in response was “Shalom.” The word was spoken softly but undeniably over and over in my ears gently as the ocean breezes caressed me.  I later discovered that this is a Hebrew word that means the “Peace of God,” which I interpreted as the supreme peace, the peace of all peace.  However at that moment, I instinctively knew that the light and mercy of God had found me finally willing to listen.  I knew that the Holy Spirit would always be by my side as my intercessor and ally.  As I floated in the warm water, I imagined myself a baby in the womb.  I was protected and peaceful.  There was no future or past, only resting in the blessed assurance of the healing warmth of my creator’s love.

                  Even though I gave myself to the light, what I call the universal greater good, it does not mean that I never lose my way in darkness or face unfair criticisms.   It does not mean that I am immune from becoming frustrated or angry by the fellow travelers that I encounter along my life’s path.  Perhaps the most difficult lesson is that the enemy of this peace can often come in the person of those that are supposed to love unconditionally.  I was raised in an environment that emphasized religion and judgment.  As an adult, I see that this education was sadly incomplete in terms of love and forgiveness.  The wise traveler does not stumble into these holes mired in mindless ritual and hypocrisy, but rather mushes forward with the truth of his or her faith to light the path.  This light is the unending and uncompromising love of our Creator.  One must also beware that the overwhelming unhappiness of others is often a powerful vortex that may try to extinguish our Father’s guiding light and healing love from the innocent pedestrian that is unknowingly being pulled under by its intense negative energy.   This kind of unhappiness is self-centered and self absorbed.  It does not seek an answer to the problem but would rather roll around in the muck and gloom bemoaning his or her bad circumstance.  Do not travel with such companions.  These people may not realize how dangerous they are to your positive existence.  These sad individuals want someone to stay with them in their hole, feeling that the only way they may be truly understood or helped, is to be miserable with them.  “Misery loves company,” is not just a saying.  Only through prayer and guidance can these weary pilgrims be saved.  Encourage those that seek to drain your energy, but do not give your peace away.  This advice is not meant to be judgmental, but to protect the reader from unnecessary pain and disappointment.   When I am blind-sided by these unwarranted attacks, I repeatedly say the healing word that was given to me and that I now share with you, “Shalom.”

 Many times in life, people get bogged down in verbiage.   We love labels in this country.  What are you?   Identify yourself.  Are you a Democrat, a Republican?   Are you Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan or Atheist?   I certainly do not claim to be a religious theologian.  I do, however, know what I have experienced in my own life.  I do know that there is an omnipotent force in our universe that cares for each of us.  This force seeks to create order from chaos and wants each child to thrive in their respective environments. Healing energy is available to each of us.  We are all chosen for abundance.  We are limited only by our own rules of order and pride.  The expense of this peace is not cost prohibitive, just a simple and honest request.  So right now, at this blessed present moment, promise to be an agent of light and love in your own life and those lives around you.  The New Year is a time of physical renewal and resolutions to be healthier and to take better care of our physical beings.  Why not then be more mentally and spiritually healthy?   Promise to give your faith feet and walk in light and love.

I know that it helps, because it helped me.  When I become overwhelmed at times, I take a moment to center myself again, pray and regain my Shalom.  I never want to go back to that anxious, reactive person that I used to be.  I am free.